Tinder Experiment

If, like me, you’ve been living under a rock these past few years and have no idea what Tinder is, I’m here to give you the gist of it.

Tinder is basically a dating app which allows you to meet men and women within a certain range of your location. Unlike other websites or applications, it doesn’t rely on algorithms that’ll match your interests with other persons online. Instead, you have full control on whom you’ll give your “Likes”.

So this whole experiment started at least a month ago. My friend actually suggested that I use this app to meet new people and make friends. It seems intriguing based on blogs and advertisements, so I gave it a try.

How to use Tinder

• You can download Tinder on Google Play (Android) or App Store (iPhone).
• Once downloaded, you have two options to create an account: 1) using your Facebook account, 2) using your phone number and email.
• For safety reasons, I opted to use my phone number. I decided that if I become more comfortable with the people I meet, then I’d add them to my FB friends.
• Once you have an account, you can edit your profile by adding a photo and writing a short bio. I added two photos on mine: with and without make-up (or in my case, eyebrow gel and lipstick).
• You can also adjust your discovery range from 2 km until 160 km. The basic range is within 80 km, but I changed mine to about 40 km.
• You can also link your account with Instagram and Spotify to make it more personalized.
• After you’ve tinkered your settings, you are ready to swipe away!

Tinder Swipes

When you start, you are given only two options: swipe left for Nope, and swipe right for Like.

When you’ve swiped enough, you’ll be given these additional options:

• Super Like – or you can swipe up. This will notify the person that you’ve Super Liked him/her and will give you better chance of being liked back.
• Boost – using this will raise your profile up your potential matches’ list for about 30 minutes. Don’t worry though, your matches won’t know that you’re using this option.
• Rewind – say you swiped left on a profile you actually like, you can use this option to see rewind and swipe right. And also, vice versa. Although, I just usually Unmatch when I accidentally liked a profile I was not really interested with.

All three options are available for limited use if you are using the free app. But, if you decide to commit and buy Tinder Plus or Tinder Gold, you’ll get more options and control. You can also expand your discovery range even around the world!

When you swipe right and they do the same on your profile, it means you’re a match. Afterwards, you have the option to message them or wait for them to make the first move. Whatever happens next is up to you.

My Tinder Experience

As I said, I’ve been using the app for a month now. So far, I’ve matched with at least 30 people, and had chat conversation with at least 12. They are of mixed nationalities, mostly Japanese, Brazilians and Americans. I’ve met two guys, and they are courteous and gentlemanly.

As of writing this blog, I am in constant communication with 5 out 12 men, and friends with 2 out of those 5.

It was a nice experiment. I enjoyed meeting new people, although I am quite terrified of actually seeing them in person. Maybe it’s because I’ve lived in Manila and found strange men to be creepy at times. And there is also the stigma that if you are using a dating app, you are more likely to put out.

I can honestly say that I am using this app purely to find friends. It actually makes me feel uncomfortable when they start being endearing and sweet via chat. Being called pretty when you know you’re not is a bit unnerving. And having anxiety problems, I find it hard not to over-analyze each of their messages if there are any hidden meanings.

But, I am happy with my experiment. I’ve met a few people who share my interests and I feel comfortable enough to hang out with. It makes living alone less lonely. It also expands my knowledge learning new languages and culture.

However, the introvert in me is a bit drained with all the socializing. And I decided to end my experiment after a month. I’ll be closing my account by the end of August, and hopefully have meaningful friendship with the few people I’ve met. My experiment had a good run and I am happy with the results.

Would I Recommend?

I think it is a good app. It is very practical and an easy way to meet new people. Just exercise good caution when you set-up actual meetings or dates.

If you want to try this app as well, I recommend being honest on your profile. It works better in making a conversation. Chivalry is not dead, but that doesn’t mean that creeps aren’t lurking in the alleys. Ladies be careful, and gents be courteous.

…

So, in a week’s time, I’ll be back to my regular schedule again. I am still hoping that the friendships I made will last long. But, if not, I might try again next time. I’m just enjoying the journey. Talk to you again soon! 🙂

Falling in Love

I don’t want to fall in love.

I’ve done it several times before,

And all it left me were scars and bruises,

And a thousand reminders of why

Giving your heart to someone else hurts.

Of why falling in love is walking on a ledge,

And both sides are chasms of uncertainty

And either way is going to be painful.

So, I don’t want to fall in love.

Or be swept off my feet by grand gestures,

Only to land hard on my back.

And wake up to the reality

That I am no princess, life is not a fairytale,

And roses will wilt come winter time

I am done with falling in love.

Falling will only lead to broken hearts,

And more wounds that will bleed,

Every time you hear a song on a radio,

That will remind you of his voice,

Or see someone with that same crooked smile.

And with each memory comes the pain,

A blackhole inside your chest,

Consuming every sane thought, every happy feeling,

Until nothing remains, but the painful photos,

Etched in the back of your mind.

I will never fall in love again,

I’ve fallen so much, that I’ve hit rock bottom,

I’m too bruised and broken.

My eyes are now wide open to the truth.

There is no beauty in leaping off blindly.

Trusting someone to hold your hand as you jump

Willingly into the pit of the unknown.

And the fear that follows

When you feel your arms are empty,

Knowing that they’ve left you again

As you knew they would right from the very start.

And the vicious cycle begins anew,

Grieving, accepting and trying to make it better

It’s tiring and senseless, and without good end,

So, don’t ask me to fall in love.

Don’t tell me that it’s wonderful

Because I’ve been there, and I know.

I am a casualty of too many times falling

Only to find nobody is there to break my fall.

I Keep the Words

I keep the words inside my head

Because it’s the only way I know how

To protect my heart from unwanted pain

And I love myself too much

To sacrifice my hard-earned self-respect

For a moment of happiness

Even if it’s with you

I keep the words left unsaid

That way, I won’t hurt you

Or anybody else

By words I did not mean

I dare not say the words out loud

It will just leave a faint taste of longing

And hope will become a burden

Upon my heavy heart

And my mind need not the troubles

To shatter its fragile peace

I keep the words within me

Hoping I can contain it

Trying to maintain that cool façade

Even as the words burn behind my lips

Because you are just a temporary mirage

And you will never be mine to hold

But I am still standing

And I am still breathing

Without you, the world will go on

And I am moving along

I keep the words inside my heart

The fire keeps me alive

I tell myself that I’m okay

And I am enough

I do not need your impermanence

I am my own rock, my own wall

And these words will remain my secrets

They are my strength as I go through

The journey of finding happiness

Within myself, without you or anybody else

One day, I’ll find the courage

To say the things I’ve always wanted to say

But until then, I’ll keep these words.

Reminder

You are strong, you are smart, and you are beautiful.

You don’t need to wear your heart on your sleeve

Or serve it on a silver platter

Just so a man can tear it down to pieces in front of you.

You are perfect the way you are

You only need to please yourself and nobody else.

People will come and go in your life

But you will decide who will stay in your heart.

Tears are not signs of weakness

It is strength in liquid form

And they only flow out because you are too full.

Change your hair, color it wild,

You are the master of your own body.

You can be whoever you want to be,

You don’t need others’ opinion of you.

Be happy with what you have.

Or fight to get the best of your dreams

Self-love is not selfish, it is the core of all kinds of love.

For how can you give love to someone else,

If you don’t have it in yourself?

Don’t be ashamed of your flaws,

You are human, and you make mistakes.

The scars are proof of the battles you’ve won.

Believe in yourself,

Even if no else will.

Remember “mind over matter,”

If you think it, you can achieve it.

Your life, your rule,

As long as you don’t step on another person’s life,

You can be as brave as you believe yourself to be.

Indulge your cravings and desires.

If it won’t hurt someone else, why not?

Making yourself happy is never wrong.

Life is too short to stay on the sidelines,

Play the game and enjoy what it can offer.

You might win or you might lose,

But at least you’ll know what you can do.

Don’t be afraid to dream,

Don’t let them tell you your limitations.

You are the captain of your voyage,

And you alone knows how far you can go.

Be brave and be smart.

Be strong and be gentle.

Be proud of the things you’ve done,

And the trials you’ve overcome.

Stop trying to have them understand you.

They never did, and never will.

You know who you are, and what you believe in,

And that is enough. You are enough.

Memento mori.

So live, really live.

Feel the rush of adrenaline in your veins.

You are alive and breathing and you matter.

You are important.

Life is as amazing as you make it.

You can be as amazing as you want.

Remember:

You are strong, you are smart, and you are beautiful.

You deserve to live your life to the fullest.

No regrets.

 

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This is a poem I wrote a few days ago. It’s been so long since I’ve last written a poem, prose or just a blog. I’ve been feeling kind of down these past few weeks, and I needed something to remind me that I am a survivor.

Having mild anxiety sucks, but writing really helps to keep the panic attacks at bay. Just need to think positive and good things will follow soon.