Posted in Poetry

How to Love a Girl Like Me

Be patient
Understand that she is a human being
With flaws and insecurities
Hiding behind her comfort blankets
Afraid to thread the lines
Terrified of the unknown.

Be kind
She is trying her best
To step out of the walls she built
And follow the light of the sun
Even though she’d rather stay in the dark
Where it may be cold, yet safe.

Be humble
So that she may learn humility
Without diminishing herself
As she had been taught to do
She had forgotten how to love
And so she must learn from the start.

Be truthful
Even though it may hurt
The lies in her past hurt even more
Your honesty will be the foundation
Of the future she wants to build
With you, and only you.

Be trusting
She may be fickle and unpredictable
But she will never lie
She had been lied to too many times
And she knows how deep the wounds could be
Earn her trust with your own.

Love never fails
And she knows you will not fail her
She may be broken and scarred
But her love for you will be stronger
Than all her fears and doubts
Believe in her as she believes in you.

Posted in Poetry

Phoenix

“It hurts”

But the pain will make you strong

Right now, it doesn’t make sense

But soon you will understand

The reason behind the pain

And why you had to go through it

So, don’t close your eyes

Watch as the walls you built

Come crashing down around you

Look up towards the sky

Darkened with smoke and ashes

As the fire swallows up

Every bit of happy memories

And sorrowful regrets

Don’t look down

And don’t cry

That pain is your ally

It will strengthen you

As you burn brightly

Like a star falling from the sky

You will fall

Over and over again

But you will rise

And you will shine

And the pain will be nothing

But a distant memory

Someday, you will be stronger

And wiser, and better than you are now

Embrace the ache,

Find comfort in the darkness

Soon, you will rise from these ashes

And be that person

You were always meant to be.

Posted in Poetry

Do My Eyes Betray Me?

Do my eyes betray me?

When I look at you

Do you see?

Are they windows to my soul

My storm

My inner turmoil

Can you see what I hide?

What I bury

Deep inside?

When I laugh

Do my eyes show?

The sadness

And all the sorrow

Do they glisten

With unshed tears?

Collected pain

From all the years

When I smile

Do my eyes do the same?

I can’t remember

A life without pain

I can’t recall

How it used to be

When things were good

And I was happy

My eyes are tired

I wish to close them soon

Find peace in the night

And solace from the moon

They say eyes can’t lie

And I hope that’s true

I hope my eyes don’t deny

My hidden truth

Do my eyes betray me?

I really wish they could

Find someone who’d see me

I wish you would.

Posted in Poetry

Orihime

Every day I wait
Across the ocean
Just to glimpse
Your smile, your eyes
Every night I pray
Patiently weaving
My tears into time
No matter how far
Our distance is
Yet our hearts
As closed as can be
Always hoping
For that one night
One moment
To be with you
And feel your warmth
Touch your hand
Feel your heartbeat
As we watch the stars
Connect the skies
Just for us
A sliver of sunshine
After an endless night
This tiny piece
Of eternity with you
Is enough, my star
Until we meet again.
Posted in Poetry

Evening Primrose

In the darkness
In the cold
A voice beckons
A hand takes hold.

All the sorrows
All the pain
In the corner
Let it rain.

Take a deep breath
Let it go
Push your fears
Let it flow.

Open your eyes
Watch the light
Slowly fading
Day into night.

Feel the cold
Let it in
Do not fight
Let it win.

Feel the wind
Caress your face
As you fall
Fall in grace.

Let the darkness
Set you free
Take my hand, dear
Come to me.
Posted in Poetry

Unsent Letter

Things left unsaid are heavy burdens to carry

But carry them all, I did my hardest

Until now, when the load has spilled

And my heart is too full to keep it inside

I wish for more days with you

For more moments of us together

I hoped to hear your voice once again

Your infectious laughter at my corny jokes

I wish I could have told you everything

How much I care for you and love you

I wanted to dance with you

Feel your arms around me

To believe that you feel the same as I do

But you don’t, and you can’t, and you never will

And all I have left are words unsaid

Feelings un-showed

I can’t hold you, but I can hold on to my memories

Memories of your smile, the twinkle in your eyes

I am yours, but you are hers

And I will not fight a lost battle

I will not break another person’s heart

So, I let my own heart break

Into a thousand pieces,

Each shard a mirror, with your face as reflection

You are my best friend, my soul mate

The best thing that could have happened to me

And your happiness is my happiness

Even as the tears roll down

And the screams burn in my throat

I will not let them out, I will not let my feelings show

I wished so hard that I could have held you

One more time, one last time

But it is for the best

And the silence is for the better

The distance is a good protector

In time, I will heal

I will be better, and I will be happy

And the words will just be words

One day, I will look back to today

And I will have no regrets.

Posted in Poetry

When I Am Gone (**Trigger Warning**)

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I’ve actually written this weeks ago, just wasn’t sure if I should post it. This is one of those cases wherein the words came to me in the middle of the night and I couldn’t sleep until I wrote them down.

Now, I realize it is some form of a catharsis for me. 3 years ago, I gave myself a 3 year deadline – to find a purpose for myself. I’ve planned to give my family and friends 3 more years time with me, before I can finally surrender to the darkness that was surrounding me. Luckily, I found light before that deadline passed, and I am trying my very best to stay in that light.

This poem is the letter I would have written if I followed through with my plan. The dark clouds still clung to me sometimes, and I think I needed to write these words to prove to myself that I am strong enough to resist it.

I also hope that this poem may be a source of comfort for those who have lost a loved one from depression. Just maybe.

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When I’m gone

Do not mourn for the lost

You cannot lose me

I am a part of your heart

As you will always be a part of mine

I am not lost

I’m in the breeze

That gently caresses your face

On summer nights

I’m in the rain and in the sunshine

The soft snow flakes

That kisses your brow

As you look up to a cloud-filled sky

When I’m gone

Do not shed tears of sadness

For my suffering has ended

And the pain that seeped slowly

Into each crevice of my soul

Is finally gone, my wounds are healed

And the storms hovering my head

Will become clear skies of freedom

Because I will finally be free

Of the darkness that has been my life

When I’m gone

Do not lament future memories

That will never be true

Remember instead the time we had

Your hand in mine, my heart in yours

Filling me with the joy I rarely feel

Do not blame yourself

You did not fail to save me

You were, are and always will be

One of the few best things in my life

And in that blackhole that was my existence

You are a ray of light

A sliver of hope

But I am broken

Broken beyond repair or salvation

And the only way to be whole again

Is to let go of this earthly vessel

Holding me in this prison of despair

When I’m gone

Do not forget me

But do not cling on to the past

Live your life the way I never could

And find the happiness I wish I had

Do not be afraid to love

And do not fear the unknown

I will be by your side for always

Wherever you may go

Think of me, remember our moments

And go on living to make new ones

Do not worry about me

I am at peace

And my soul is free

When I’m gone

I will not be truly gone

I will continue living

In your heart and in your memory

Do not despair, do not be sad

We will meet again

Someday, somehow

In another lifetime

So, smile and be happy

Be thankful for every minute, hours we had

And have the best life you and I dreamed of

I will just be here, guiding and watching over you

Even when I’m gone.

Posted in Poetry

Everything I Keep Inside

You can smile and laugh

But still be unhappy

Everything you’d ever want

Right in the palm of your hands

And still feel lacking

You can have friends around

Yet the loneliness will linger

Like a black hole in your soul

Consuming every joy

You are whole and healthy

But inside everything is broken

The unexplained pain

Becoming so unbearable

That you just go numb

Empty

Cold

Still, you go on living

Trying to imitate what is normal

But within, there is a gaping hole

That no amount of time

Can seem to heal and patch up.

You can be the most positive person

On the outside

But the storms are always rolling

Just beneath the surface of your skin

And surrounding yourself with light

Doesn’t seem to chase the shadows away

You can be beloved, protected

But still be scared to show the truth

Of what is inside your heart

Always afraid that you are a burden

To everyone in your life

You can be on top of the world

And still feel that you’ve hit rock bottom

Lost and in the dark

The walls closing in at your every step

You can be a functional human being

Moving, breathing, working every day

Yet deep inside, you’re nothing

But pain and sadness and fear

You can smile and laugh all the time

Yet always crying inside your heart.

Posted in Poetry

I am Not Strong

I am not strong
Although I try to be
Still, I fall and break
I bleed inside and out

I am not strong
Even if I look like it
There are cracks in the facade
If you look hard enough

I am not strong
Every day, I try hard to fight
But often, I just want to give in
I am tired, always so tired

I am not strong
I wish I could be
But the walls are crumbling
And I am crushed within

Posted in Poetry

Unrequited Love Letter

Dearest,

The circumstances which made our paths crossed,

are also the reasons why I cannot say this out loud.

I love you.

I never thought I would love again, but I did.

With you.

And it hurts me to know that you might never know.

So, I put the words into action,

hoping that the song I cannot sing for you

may be felt instead as a blanket of comfort.

In your moments of sadness and happiness

I am here, always here.

Just watching over you as you journey through life.

The friendly face you seek among the sea of strangers.

My love,

I am happy that I met you.

My heart is joyful that you are a part of my life.

And a beautiful story of friendship began.

But every story must end some time

and ours might be ending soon.

You have the soul of a gypsy,

and you are meant to fly away.

I cannot and will not ever hold you back.

Your happiness will always be mine.

Wherever you might go,

even if time and distance keep us apart,

I hope you will always remember me.

And know that my heart is yours.

My beloved,

The circumstances which made our paths crossed,

are also now the reasons why you and I must part.

And I must carry the burden of this unrequited love.

So that you can soar freely and without worry.

Wherever your heart will lead, there you should go.

And I will be here, patiently waiting

for you, and only you.