Because there are a thousand words
Tumbling inside my mind
Keeping me up at all times of the night
Jumbled thoughts that don’t make sense
Unless I write them down one by one
On any piece of paper I can find.
Because it’s the only way that I can paint
All the colors of emotions that I feel
Into a rainbow that can bridge the gap
From my heart to my brain and out to the world
Layer by layer like oil onto a canvass
To create a picture of the world inside my soul.
Because it is how I try to connect
With the world around me
When I cannot speak out of fear or shame
My poems can tell the story of who I am
And though my father always says,
“I am not the reflection of my work”
Each piece I’ve written is a part of my soul
That I offer up for the entire world to see.
Because it offers a moment, a time
When my mother can listen to my feelings
And she will smile and tell me
What a great job I did in writing down
All the pain and insecurities of someone else
Never acknowledging that it could be me
That a storm is always brewing up within
The heart of her blessed child.
Because the fears I’ve always hidden
Are bubbling just beneath the surface
Of my calm face, and mild demeanor
And through these words, I can release
The worries slowly and steadily
Before it drives me crazy and exposes to the world
How truly chaotic and insane inside me.
Because I longed for anyone to listen
To tell me that it’s ok
To be broken, imperfect and afraid
And that I am just human,
Flawed but still important
It is a call for someone who cares
And who won’t try to rescue or fix me
But will always be there to be a friend.
Because each lengthy rhythm
Is like the music and lyrics
A lullaby that sings me to sleep
Overshadowing the doubts
Until the pain and fear subsides
And the words will once again reappear
Dancing and waiting to be written
Into another very long poem.
My Journey 