Falling in Love

I don’t want to fall in love.

I’ve done it several times before,

And all it left me were scars and bruises,

And a thousand reminders of why

Giving your heart to someone else hurts.

Of why falling in love is walking on a ledge,

And both sides are chasms of uncertainty

And either way is going to be painful.

So, I don’t want to fall in love.

Or be swept off my feet by grand gestures,

Only to land hard on my back.

And wake up to the reality

That I am no princess, life is not a fairytale,

And roses will wilt come winter time

I am done with falling in love.

Falling will only lead to broken hearts,

And more wounds that will bleed,

Every time you hear a song on a radio,

That will remind you of his voice,

Or see someone with that same crooked smile.

And with each memory comes the pain,

A blackhole inside your chest,

Consuming every sane thought, every happy feeling,

Until nothing remains, but the painful photos,

Etched in the back of your mind.

I will never fall in love again,

I’ve fallen so much, that I’ve hit rock bottom,

I’m too bruised and broken.

My eyes are now wide open to the truth.

There is no beauty in leaping off blindly.

Trusting someone to hold your hand as you jump

Willingly into the pit of the unknown.

And the fear that follows

When you feel your arms are empty,

Knowing that they’ve left you again

As you knew they would right from the very start.

And the vicious cycle begins anew,

Grieving, accepting and trying to make it better

It’s tiring and senseless, and without good end,

So, don’t ask me to fall in love.

Don’t tell me that it’s wonderful

Because I’ve been there, and I know.

I am a casualty of too many times falling

Only to find nobody is there to break my fall.